DIY Custom DVD Storage

Our Entertainment Center situation was getting out of hand. We had an old TV stand meant for a 30 some inch tube tv, holding our 46" flat screen TV. On top of that, we have over 300 dvds, which my husband needs to display, on a shelf, in the living room. We wanted a new tv stand, but we needed something that worked with our DVD storage, or new dvd storage. After searching everywhere we couldn't find anything that could meet our needs. So we started looking into making our own storage. We found this post for making your own DVD shelving. I sent the Hubby off to Home Depot, $20 of wood and a $30 Kreg jig later, we had ourselves a plan. 

We mounted the tv so that the shelving did not have to hold the tv.  After that, we measured the space that we wanted to fill and built the shelves accordingly. We used common wood and stained it to our desired color.

This was the finished result: 

But we didn't stop there. 

Because we still had more DVD's to store, we decided to add towers on each side.

Again, we built them according to the space we had available.

All of the pieces are connected as one unit. It is pretty sturdy, but we used some L brackets to anchor it into the wall, just in case.  

We ended up with way more DVD storage space than we needed. So we have room to grow and until them we can keep our knick knacks up high where the kids won't destroy them! 

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Shut the Front Door friends having playing infront of house

I am pretty much the laziest and most easily distracted person alive. Despite my failures in communication with blog friends and two completely defunct-through-neglect blogs not to mention this one, I'm starting another venture - Shut the Front Door.

Lately I have wanted to say more here than I can without fear of being outed or compromising my anonymity. It all sounds very dramatic when it couldn't be more pedestrian, as I really just wanted to talk more about job frustrations but don't feel comfortable doing so here. I'm friends on Facebook with people I work with, so that's out, and Twitter...well, what can you really say in 140 characters anyway?

It came to me recently that it would be nice to have a members-only online forum to take any similar concerns private so they were not readable to all of the internet. Yes, there are password-protected posts, but I'll be honest - not only can I not be bothered to do that on my own posts and notify readers of the password, but I never remember others' passwords either. Again with the lazy.

It will be a private forum, and all memberships will need to be approved by me. I want to make sure it is a space in which everyone feels comfortable to share freely without the accompanying paranoia that I get when I talk about certain things on my blog. It's obviously not a replacement blog, because lord knows I would never tend to that either if so, but on the odd occasion you feel the need to talk about work, marital issues, sexual concerns, or if you're worried that your cat is trying to kill you, come hither. There are comment functions, so you would be able to get feedback on what you are saying just as you would on your blog.

It will not be a place for talking about any bloggers in a negative way, so behave yourselves. I also do not intend for any detailed personal information to be posted there, so it's not as if anyone will be providing their addresses, names of places of employment, or even real names of spouses/kids/etc (unless you are comfortable with that). I suppose you could be anonymous based on the name you set up in the account, but I will need to know who you are in the initial stage (as in blog name or connection to this collection of bloggers)for membership purposes. That information would obviously not go beyond my inbox if required of course.

I've started this here. I have no idea whether this site is any good at forum hosting, so we shall see how it goes. If you go to the search box in the upper left of the homepage and type in "Shut the front door" the forum will come up with the option to join. This may work, or it may be a complete fucking disaster. We shall see!

It's so hard to come up with pithy subject titles which allude to the subject to be discussed without being obscenely cliche or cheesy. "Drowning", "HATE HATE HATE", "Grey", "Please feel free to tell me to shut the fuck up with all the bellyaching" (and so on) were all considered and promptly binned. 

Well, I'm still in the United States, so let's start there. It's strange - there is so, so much I want to say in order for me to try to work out the shit if even just in my own head, but with the amount of things to say it all just becomes tiresome. Half the time I start venting to The Dude and just give up through sheer exhaustion, both mental and physical, and feel the need to retire for a 20 year nap. 

I started out in the let's-get-it-all-out mode not a mere 15 minutes ago (yes, it has taken me that long to get this far...shameful), and my head is now a jumble of half-constructed thoughts and random filler that I'll never be able to bring together in this post. I struggle a lot lately with a foggy head and the general inability to express myself coherently, which isn't exactly conducive to my working life either. 

I want to talk about why I miss England, and how I possibly don't miss it as much as I think I do. I want to talk about how I'm pretty sure a lot of Americans (except the ones reading this blog) completely lack a sense of humour and are fake, back-stabbing assholes. I want to talk about how, contrary to what your fair selves indicated previously, I really am fucking up my kid's life with startling aplomb. I think I may have said pretty much that exact same thing last time, but I'm running on fumes here.

There is good news amongst all of the talk of dark days and gloomy thoughts - I have now reached the end of my 6 month probationary period at work, so I am eligible for prescription cover. Thus, I will be hot-footing it to my doctor's someday soon to beg for sweet, medicinal relief. The bad parts of life keep elbowing into the sunny slivers which occasionally peek through, and it's not fair to The Dude and P. 

Fingers crossed that my next post is not a muddled, confused mess. I don't expect to be jumping out of bed in the morning desperate to go to work, but I want to be able to function like a real human again. I want to write on here, comment on other blogs again - all the stuff I used to do before in The Motherland. You know, before I was crazy that other time. God willing and the Creek don't rise.

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Future connected with Training: Combating Obesity or Combating Being hungry

I have been following with curiosity the particular discussion regarding the future connected with education.

***

Some people criticize existing academic establishments, implying them to present small in terms of authentic coaching, understanding that authentic mastering takes place beyond your class, by means of basically doing. "Nobody finds how to build a system in a pc scientific disciplines class. inches "Nobody finds how to build a company within the entrepreneurship program. inches

Others usually are lamenting which by means of moving in order to training-oriented techniques, i am sacrificing the ability to present deeper education, with issues which can be definitely not valuable. Whom is going to review beautifully constructed wording in case it has not any roi? Whom is going to teach books when there is not any demand because of it?

The two of these criticisms appear to be forcing inside two diverse information.

***

Actually, we should instead address two diverse requires:

A single will need would be to actually attempt to democratize education, attempting to acquire the content with the prime lessons along with allow it to become obtainable along with there for all people. Those who wish to find out equipment mastering, can now acquire lessons from prime tutors, as an alternative to requiring you to read the book. Men and women can now progress the careers effortlessly, and never having to register in order to costly amount plans.

Another will need would be to protect the particular breadth connected with education, protecting the idea from marketplace aids. That will need would like to protect the particular design where by learners throughout their education get encountered with varied grounds, no matter if you will find there's marketplace along with demand intended for these grounds.

***

That tension reminded everyone regarding the discussion with regards to genetically altered ingredients.

Size manufacturing connected with meals virtually solved the issue connected with world being hungry. A few years in the past, there is a real difficulty with world being hungry. Famine has been a real difficulty in several regions of the planet, because of the incapacity to provide adequate meals in order to supply the particular expanding population: deluges, droughts, diseases had been disrupting manufacturing, producing shortages. These days, the particular advances inside agriculture let the considerable manufacturing connected with grains along with meals: whole wheat along with rice kinds are actually powerful, proof in order to diseases, adaptable to numerous diverse areas, and permit people in order to supply the planet.

The advances which solved the issue connected with world being hungry, finished up developing various other difficulties. Ready-made carbohydrate food along with causing weight problems, diabetes, gout symptoms, and a lot of various other "luxury" diseases inside the formulated world. The poor inside the formulated world will not be death since they are hungry. They may be death by means of hungry themselves from important substances of their diet.

***

The parallels usually are striking. The MOOCs, Khan Academies, along with Program code Academies with the world will be the genetically altered ingredients for all those moving into the particular "third world connected with education". These lessons most likely are not the most wholesome, and so they might not provide all the "nutrition" for his or her education. Nevertheless, the choice intended for a number of these persons inside the "third world connected with education" is just not Stanford vs. the Coursera MOOC. It is practically nothing vs. the Coursera MOOC. Presented the choice, acquire the particular MOOC without notice.

The ones that are now living in the particular "developed world connected with education" can be pickier. They will often gain access to the particular genetically altered MOOCs, however should they can afford the idea, the particular organic, artisanal, in the area acquired education can be probably a lot better than the particular mass produced MOOC.

***

Farm pets intended for lessons (pun intended).

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Tarvish of the party Tears Of a Clown.

There’s not a day goes by that I don’t cry right now, It can be caused by anything or nothing, the words to a song, The last movie Julie & I watched was our second viewing of it, the re-make of Annie starring Jamie Foxx, Cameron Diaz and the incredible Quvenzhane Wallis, it’s meant to be a feel good movie, well it is a feel good movie, the soundtrack is great and I have it downloaded to my iphone so it often gets played, it’s mainly cathartic for me with memories of happier times as Julie smiled but then I hear ‘Tomorrow’ and the infamous line ‘The Sun’ll come out tomorrow’, and I realise that’s not going to happen for me and the tears stream down my face wherever I am.  It can be getting ready to go out and I look at Winston ‘standing guard over Julie’ and I end up breaking down with one of the regular questions, “Why aren’t you here with me?” or “Why did you have to be taken from me?” this so hurts. Equally it can be reading the distress that others are suffering too such as Emma, Such as Aaron, as I’ve said before I’ve got no monopoly on the grief and grieving caused by Julie or Mum being taken from us. Sometimes I’m just driving home and I’m overcome with grief to the point of sobbing, it comes with no warning.  I can look at certain pictures of Julie and the tap is turned on..  Corrinna my ‘Rock’ of a neighbour had borrowed one of Julie’s books, inside she discovered a note Julie had left, ‘written’ in 2011 I’d never seen it before, that night when I sat on my bed & opened the note up I read it and sobbed like a baby..  My dear wife & soul mate was so caring in expressing her love, I'm sure there are more notes somewhere...

There have been loads of other things to reduce me to tears, Julie loved Robins, she loved all birds coming into our garden and we had an abundance of bird feeders so she could watch them all from her bed in the bay window but her favourite bird was the Robin, truth be told mine too, my side of the family had always associated Robins with the passing of a loved one, one morning I was leaving for work around seven a.m. and a single Robin flew in to the tree nearest the path and was clearly looking at me chirping away, I sobbed and sobbed, I truly broke down, I went down on my haunches, it never moved from its low hanging branch as I sobbed, I actually spoke to it through my tears…. Recently I went into our local Tesco to buy Xmas cards for the grandchildren and children, as I walked the long racks I was suddenly ‘confronted’ with all of the ‘To my darling wife’ cards, the floodgates just opened, I looked a right idiot. Often when talking to friends or occasionally at work business clients who knew Julie would ask things about her and how I’m coping etc and it’s hard not to have to draw a deep breath, gulp and hope the tears don’t start to run, when I spoke to one customer who had met Julie but I hadn’t spoken to in over a year and he was unaware explaining her loss brought me to tears at my desk and colleagues looking at me. The night of the charity  ball as I donned my dinner suit and looked in the mirror I cried, later that night when I got home, I cried.

I had to go into Julie’s handbag earlier this week, I’ve not ventured into it since I think never lol, I’d often be told by Julie when she was well “Get it out of my handbag”, I’d just pass her the handbag much to her annoyance but I’ve always respected her privacy & her hand bag, her wardrobes and chests of drawers. As I picked up the handbag that I’d placed on the back of the rocking chair in the bedroom (you can see it in the appeal video) I’m stood by the bed looking straight at Julie’s ashes, again I felt I was betraying her, again I sobbed and asked “Why did you leave me”, I added “I miss you so much” through my tears and ‘blubbing’…   Everyone tells me it will get better and get easier but I remain to be convinced………

Well it’s Friday afternoon, I’m in my office it’s just a four day week this week having had to take Monday off to collect Julie’s ashes, something had been eating away at me for a couple of days almost like, well, and don’t take this the wrong way for I’m not going mad but it was like ‘Madam’ was chirping in my ear to contact the family, something hadn’t sat right with me the weekend before as I’d said my goodbyes to the family. The upshot was there was something, without going into detail except to say I knew Julie would have wanted me to get back over, she would have had she been here, of that I’m certain. It was almost as if she’d been chipping away at my subconscious, I’m not a believer but on the other side I’m not a total sceptic either, lol the only thing I’d wished was that if it was Julie that she’d have got me to do this on the Thursday for I’m in my office no suitcase, no change of clothes no shower bag, no deodorant and it would add a hundred miles to my journey to drive home and get my gear together. The upshot was I ordered clothes from Next to be delivered into their Grimsby store the next morning, being the build I am (fat sod size) the chances of picking up clothes off the peg is limited. A quick dash to the Tesco’s near my office straight after work to get underwear, socks and thank goodness it’s near Xmas for I got a travel shaving bag. I bought a jumper to get me by. I’d already booked myself into my usual hotel in Grimsby for the Saturday night and Pete & Tara had kindly offered me a room for the night on the Friday, they had previously invited me to a party they were having on the Friday night, originally I’d declined, little did I know I’d be over for it.

Around 9pm I arrived at Tara & Pete’s  and the party was in full swing, again another first without Julie, I felt like a fish totally out of water but I was made warmly welcome by everyone, I knew just three people Pete, Tara and Tara’s daughter Sommer. I’ll confess to being a miserable sod for the night but I did try to get involved, it is just so hard, Tara’s mum knew Julie and of course wanted to share with me about what a marvellous person Julie was and to give me her condolences. A short while later someone was talking about a loved one they had cared for who had lost their battle with cancer, I had to excuse myself and I thought I’d discreetly ‘disappeared’ up to ‘my bedroom’, I can’t do the party thing, I’m clearly not ready for this & I’m probably better off just sloping off and staying out of the way. A young lady I’d been introduced to Maxine, she had seen what had occurred and was perceptive enough to realise I’d sneaked off and why, she was suddenly calling me and knocking on the bedroom door to ask if I was ok, she realised what had occurred and coaxed me back downstairs, how thoughtful of her, we’d never met before. I lasted about an hour and I sneaked off to bed, this time I wasn’t coming back down, I was knackered… Saturday morning & my incredible hosts sorted me out with breakfast; I kept checking my text messages to see if my delivery had arrived at Next, shortly after it landed and I was on my way with hugs and handshakes.

Well I walked out of Next with three parcels of clothes and headed straight to my hotel to see if I could check in early and do my own fashion show, I called the family to let them know I was in town, I took a bit of a flyer too, I messaged my hand holding friend from the weekend before, although I said I wouldn’t chase her and she hadn’t messaged me, I prefer clarity in a situation and well, was there some hope? I’d be daft not to ask for she was beautiful. I asked if she wanted the missed coffee or lunch or dinner, I did get a reply but it basically said she was still very much in love with her husband and wouldn’t meet me for she’d feel even that would be a betrayal, lol lord knows what the week before’s ‘brief encounter’ had been. I thanked her for her reply and wished her well; it seems I wasn’t to strike gold twice in Grimsby…

I saw Emma, Aaron, Vicky, Bob and all of the grandchildren on Saturday and Sunday, by then I knew Julie would have been proud of us all, some conversations were tough especially the ones of how we are missing Julie/Mum and the impact that is having on our lives, even on how it had since we broke the news in 2013. I met up with dear friends & Julie’s old neighbours Janice and Ian on Sunday and enjoyed a Sunday lunch of a tasty stew at their invitation. Janice had been at the funeral with her Daughter Louise, they were amazing friends as well as neighbours.  Ian hadn’t been able to make it to the funeral because of work commitments so it was good to meet up with him. Late Sunday I drove home in some hostile weather conditions, despite seeing several crashes I did eventually make it home, as soon as I pulled up outside the house I was mortified, ‘our’ bedroom light was out, I had left it on, ‘Julie’ was in the dark… Normally I’d have sat dreading going in but I ran into the house before I unpacked the car and put the light on, I apologised to the purple carrier bag being guarded by Winston, it’s irrational I know.. Corrinna had been over on one of her house checking  trips and she wasn’t to know but she’d turned the light off, she felt terrible when I explained, she wasn’t even aware that Julie’s ashes were here.

I emptied the car, a trip to the laundry room on the top floor, a shower and it was bedtime for me.

Every night or time (no I’m right, Night) I pull up outside the house the feeling of dread is all consuming, I’m deliberately working until gone seven and often gone eight most nights so my time in Shute Manor is limited, I’m not sure how much longer I can continue doing this, the only exception is Wednesday nights when as a thank you I often take Corrinna out for dinner, I can hear you saying “he mentions her a lot, this is going to lead somewhere”, It’s not, we’ve kind of had ‘the discussion’ we’ve become great friends but it will never be more.

I’ve still only had one weekend at home since Julie left me, mainly deliberately for it hurts being in the place; this coming weekend is no exception and I’ve previously arranged a weekend trip to Northern Ireland where I have family, I’ve got quite an affinity to Northern Ireland, I truly feel if I was financially fixed ok I could live over there, having been christened there and my father’s Irish blood in my veins I feel so at home, a lot of that is down to family though especially my Cousins in particular John & Chris and their mum, my god mother Patsy, I’d better mention Linda & Brian too or I’ll be in serious trouble and I can’t omit Caroline, Chris’s wife too. This amazing woman has been through the wringer this last year and she has been so kind to me and to Julie both this year and in the past, some people you wish you’d spent more time with in life, Caroline is one of those, Julie only met her a couple of times but she really liked Caroline, Chris & John, C&J visited Julie you’ll recall from a previous blog, it was one of the times that the finality of Julie’s situation came to the surface as we all said our goodbyes as they swapped trains to get a flight home, Julie knew it was the last time, I knew it was the last time….. More tears then, more tears now as I type this….

Today I still wear my wedding ring with pride though on reflection now I intend to have Julie’s Wedding, Engagement & Eternity Rings cleaned up and I’ll wear all four united on a chain around my neck from the New Year.

 Anyway we chatted the night away and myself and this young lady tried to match make John and one of her friends. As they chatted I headed to the bar to buy drinks and oh my god! I was standing next to a woman at the bar with her back to me; she was dressed in a beautiful red dress trimmed with black lace. The barmaid due to the loudness asked me to get her attention for she’d been served but had her back to the bar too so gently I tapped her shoulder, I quickly apologised as I pointed towards the barmaid. As she paid I apologised to this young lady, probably around thirty, my god she was stunning, it was almost love at first sight, her long black hair complimented the red of her dress that I think she’d been poured into! She thanked me for getting her attention then asked if I was having a good time, I have to admit this time I played the recently widowed card, she looked at me quizzically and said “for real?” I nodded and this vision of beauty hugged and kissed me telling me how sorry she was.. I told her I didn’t want her pity, lol I’ll take the hug though! She laughed and hugged me again, in the loudness she wanted to know more and I told her the basics and I got another hug. I explained I needed to get back to ‘my cousin who had dragged me out’ (so glad right now you did JW!) My newly found friend said “I’m coming to find you, you and I are having a dance!” I laughed but she was serious, ha! She’s never seen me dance or she’d never have suggested it (hehe as Julie would have said). I thought this was the end of our brief but memorable encounter but a while later she passed our table and told me “Pick your song, you are dancing with me”… I know my limitations and half an hour later the club lights coming on and the music going off put that notion to bed and ‘saved me’. My newly found friend spotted me and wagged her finger at me jokingly, I moved close enough to thank her for her kindness and told her how stunning she was, I’ve no fear when a lot of men have in front of a beautiful woman and most I’d ask out if I were of a mind, that’s how I ‘won Julie over’, I don’t fear rejection but in this instance I didn’t have the wits about me to ask for her number or if I could see her again, her beauty truly hypnotised me! We said good night with a hug.. Another Cinderella moment…

I must sound like some kind of desperate individual lusting after any woman, I’m not, despite my lack of rugged handsomeness (I think I just made that word up) I have a clear idea of the type of woman I like, yes looks is a big thing but personality is equally important, I could add some other attributes too but I won’t go there… The reality is though I’m not going to find a woman in a Belfast night club that is the woman of my dreams and future, and I’m still not 100% comfortable with myself right now, this is really screwing my head up;  it’s been a great night and well one I’ll remember for a long, long, time.
The strangest thing happened outside of the club;  as we walked up the middle of this wide pedestrian area towards a main road a young woman was heading towards me waving and about fifteen feet from me called my name.. She giggled as she said I bet you wonder how I know you,? I looked at John who was no help, she then said “I’ve been reading your blog”.. What the? It’s dark and wet and I’m recognised from the blog in a city miles from my home? I think not, it turns out this delightful lady had spotted me with John, she is a good friend of Caroline’s, she had mentioned I was over, my new found friend had seen me with John who she knew and put two and two together which made four! This woman is stunningly beautiful too! It was a delight to meet her; she told me she has a friend who will be perfect for me "When you're ready Andy". I shall see what the future holds but for tonight I’m just overwhelmed by the kindness and hospitality of the women of Belfast and their hugs! This has been a fun and unexpected night that was as far from the night I’d expected could be, thanks again JW..
I slept contently again, I could still smell perfume on me from the hugs..
 Sunday was uneventful except for lunch with Patsy & John followed another stormy flight. I drove home from Manchester Airport, in hindsight I should have driven to a hotel near my office it would have been another night away from ‘Shute Manor’, I need to break this mind-set but I’m clueless to how or when I will overcome it, tonight though there is comfort in the bedroom light being on….
Some special thanks:
My Irish relatives each and everyone of you especially JW & Patsy..

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Put them back ourself to welcome back

It’s been a long time. And I have so much going on that I don’t know where to start. But i think I will start by saying that I missed writing. It’s so cathartic that I don’t think I can ever get the same peace from anywhere else.

I have been busy with work. I have been busy with travelling. But then that is another story for another time. Right now what I want to write about is love. My posts usually are about love aren’t they? Well I shan’t disappoint you all this time also.

I say good riddance to all the bad things that have happened to me due to that one person. I say good riddance to all the insecurity I was under due to that one bad person in my life. I say good riddance to all the doubts that clouded my self-worth due to that one person.

And I also say this with all my heart that I hope you find all the happiness you deserve. Since I am happy now, or what I think is happy for me. But what I want to ask you ladies out there is why do we women allow men to over shadow us. How do we let them come into our lives in such a way that we never want to let them go. No matter what mistake they make? How do we end up being so stupid?

I think it is because our greatest strength is our greatest weakness. Don’t they say your are as weak as your strongest link. I never used to get that now I do. Its surprising how far I have come along. I never thought I could be like this. I know I have always had the potential but how could I have been so blind. The people around me, they weren’t wrong. They were right about me. I could do whatever I put my mind to.

However, I was living under the shadow of a man. This man wanted nothing more than to leech off of me in any and every way possible. So I let him. because I was in love. There is this one quote, where they say that you should fall in love with your eyes wide open. But I fell in love blindly. However, by the end of it I was wide awake. Infarct my eyes had opened so much so that I feared for them sticking around in my sockets.

Dear readers, men and women everywhere, however small amount of audience I have. Please let it be known that trying to keep a relationship going should only happen when you are married. Not before that. I learned it the hard way. A husband might want to stay, thinking of all the responsibilities. He might think of everything he has done, everything you have done and might stay.

But then again it’s a marriage. A relationship with nothing holding it together might not be worth the fight. Atleast I am of the opinion now that if someone doesn’t want to stick around, you shouldn’t force them. But aaahhhh here is where the problem is, these guys don’t want to let go also. Probably we are the bloody cows of nature. And we do everything asked of us without any questions.

To all the ladies who keep their men on a short leash, I salute you. Well not a good one, just a halfhearted one. Since I know some of my friends have been hurt badly by such women. So I won’t completely condone their behavior. However, I will commend you for keeping your man with you even when you are withholding lots of things from them. And I personally think a woman in love never holds back. She lets it loose and let’s go of any and all barriers in her way.

i think I suddenly ran out of steam for this rant. But that’s a good thing no? I am so tired of learning things which end up hurting me. I mean where my time is. I thought what goes around comes around. Where is my day in the sun. I ask for everyone who thinks its fate. I just met this guy, who is amazing, Younger than me by a year, But amazing nonetheless. But he is damn difficult. He turned cold as Siberia towards me because he was upset and I wanted to make him feel alright. As per his estimation, I was encroaching on personal space.

I mean hello? who does that? And on top of that he doesn’t want to let me go. He has put sort of an embargo on me on showing affection. I mean how someone can hold back their affection. I would never be able to do that. But then I think I am a wimp. There is no limit to my being led by my heart. There is also the matter of distance. I always manage to find the completely wrong men for myself.

But for once I will not let this man come in my way of my life. If he wants to stick around then he can show me he wants to stick around. Otherwise, he’s welcome to have the pick of the lot. And why should I doubt my self-worth. Neither should any other woman out there. We go through a lot of shit as it is. Why put ourselves through shit that is of our own making.

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Winter Diaries

Just yesterday I thought would make me believe in love. I feel sick sort of. like I'm at the brink of something and I am sure that I will fall off the cliff. I know, sounds dramatic. however, i kid you not. there is nothing in this world that i would like than to cuddle up with my book and coffee and a good rain. 

i mean it might not be something you might like. but hey this is what rings my bell. i feel so lost and adrift that it isn't even a joke any more. there is nothing that i want but peace. see the thing is, that i wanted to stay away from all this junk. honestly, single life rocks. as I have learned over the last four years. i think this post will suck ass (mind my language, i don't cuss much even here on this blog). 

in the morning all i could think about was that no matter i have been through, i have always believed in love. you see, there is nothing wrong with me. the only thing wrong is i am too cynical now. there is not much i haven't seen. i have had people cheating on me, back biting me, talking shit to my face, lying to me and also playing me for their benefit. but all that i have managed to get so far out of all of this is that Allah has always kept me in the clear. 

i am grateful for that. see i am cynical as hell now. there is nothing that i wouldn't do to be naive and young again. but then i might have made the same choices and ended up exactly where i am. let me make this clear, i don't regret my choices. they made me who i am. i may be dumb when it comes to a lot of things, but yes I get things and people better now. i have always had a knack with people. 

so the experience i have had with jerks has now made me different. it has made me a bit wiser. i am a bit more cynical. yes i keep using that word. the only reason i do so is because there is nothing i believe now. people say i look nice, i don't believe them. i honestly don't believe in any compliment that i get. there is nothing nice that i believe in any more. 

and honestly, i hate that. i want to believe people. and why shouldn't i want that. there are so many people out there who are not as bad as me. but honestly all i can think about is how no one is ever sincere. no one cares about me. i know that's wrong. i have scores of people and very good friends. they would die of horror if they heard me say that i don't have anyone who cares about me. so its al right guys, I know you care and i know you are always there. 

this post was to let all of this out. like i said i feel sick. i saw the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just the shimmer of hope. and now that is gone. there is nothing that i would like more than curling up for being stupid once again. people really don't know how their actions hurt other people. see there is nothing that i would do that would hurt someone else. yes i am human i do end up hurting people. but overall my main aim is always to help people. OK and now i sound like I'm tooting my own horn. 

i would really appreciate if people could help me out and make my life easier, by saying and doing what they mean. but yes I'm silly and childish enough to think that my knight in shining armour will still be here. and also there is nothing i want more than to have people to understand that me and my beliefs wont change. i will always think that i will get my knight in shining armour. and i know that sounds silly. but it is also what is

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Yoga Time friends

At this moment in time, my head hurts, the things I’m hearing right now. They are out of this world. This world is a shitty place. People just like using other people. No one and I mean no one would want to be with someone who lies and cheats. How is someone justified in being with two people at the same time? There is no explanation. You can’t love two people at the same time.

If you can’t seem to give one or the other up, than that is on you. And you aren’t in love with either of them. It is just that you like having those two hanging on to you. You are the sort of person who gives hope to other people. So like I said in one of my previous posts. You should know your mind. Any arrangements that you think that you have, might not exactly be an arrangement. It might you taking the person along for a ride.

Yes I am rambling. This is the page where I get to ramble. So people who might not like what I am saying, should leave. I know I’m sorry I’m usually such a jerk. And I usually am a nice person. Well I try to be. I have to start minimizing the use of the word there to start my sentences. I have been through hell since last night. It’s been so bad that I have a headache. I can’t seem to eat or sleep. Couldn’t sleep even a bit last night. It was that bad. I just wanted to scream and shout at the one person who made it so bad that I can’t keep any food down.

I know for the past some time I have come off as being alright. I have come a long way from the wreck I was previously. But see, there is always this one chink in the armor that someone with sharp eyes can see. And then they are able to pick at it and pick at it, till the armor breaks down. Bloody Fuckers. Yes I am swearing the shit out today. Even though honestly if you people hear me swear in real life, you will laugh your head off. I do it in a very funny manner, and no one is able to take me seriously when I swear. And then it makes me laugh also.

A very good friend of mine, has a habit of asking very tough questions. He is always able to sense when I am not alright. And writing this, I completely forgot what I wanted to tell you lot about. So yes, there is that too, that I have lost half of my brain completely. I can’t seem to remember even the smallest stuff. There is so much pain inside of me that I can’t seem to know what to say or do. There is nothing that I would want most than be a part of someone’s world. I want to be someone’s world. I don’t think that’s hard to ask. And there is nothing in this world that I would want than a guy who could sweep me off my feet.

I know I might be a bit too heavy to sweep off my feet. Lol. Yes it is true. But someone who is there for me. Who goes out of his way to spend time with me and talk to me? There is not much I want from a guy. Just that I want to be able to depend on him and know he will always be there. There isn’t much that a guy can do for that I can’t already for myself. So just someone who is looking for a girl who will give her best to the guy whose willing to give his best. Let me know my peeps.

As always writing this out, has made me feel a little better. So just to let you all know. Its yoga time.

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HAPPY NEW YEAR PEEPS

I hope you all ended your 2015 on a high note and that you have lots of ambitions to fulfil in 2016. I would like to let you all know that I personally don't believe in this resolution lark. why? I will tell you. because people don't change over night right. also it isn't easy to let go of the routine you have set in over the last year. 

what i do believe in are goals. people need to set goals for themselves. it is very important to have goals. i mean what use is the end of the year, where you cant measure all that you have achieved. 

i personally think that i have achieved quite alot this year. most important thing that i have achieved is the manner in which I handle my shit now. also that i have removed all unnecessary people from my life. i mean what's the point of baggage. 

my 2015 was fun, sad, happy, exciting, a year of firsts, tiring, exhausting and last but not the least, it was full of love and support. i cant tell you how as you go ahead in your life, you need moral support from your friends and family. 

i mean you will never see a movie where the heroine is crying alone. she needs to eat her ice cream and wallow with friends. it just isn't done alone. also they need to be there to kick your butt when you do something stupid like think of contacting your ex or writing back to their email message. 

i know i come off as very rude sometimes. but really i am not. over the years i have just found what i am worth. and for someone who never before considered it i have started to value myself. 

also big news of big news, i have started working out. the weight was blowing me up like a balloon. but i honestly think i have it under control now. on a completely different note, my goals for 2016 are to travel, travel and travel. also might think of setting up a business. that's one thing on my mind since i finished my bachelors. 

so people got any business ideas leave them in the comment list. 

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